sad-disease.diaryland.com

I decided to ditch a conference/seminar today so I could catch up on my school work. Instead I have watched TLC all morning. A Dating Story was my fave. At the end of the date the girl went in for a good night kiss and the boy shot her down. She looked stunned and I laughed.

I realized that I never put myself out there like that. I never initiate anything. I'm the kind of person who secretly has crushes but does nothing to pursue the crushes. If I was to go on a date tomorrow and the boy leaned in to give me a kiss I would cover my face and say something like "Ahhh, this is too uncomfortable." That's how I am.

However, this past summer, for one month, I was completely different. I allowed myself to be approached and allowed myself to approach. I kissed and was kissed and was intimate without inhibitions or fear. It was a strange sensation, and I'm confused.

By the way I hate the word intimacy.

posted 2003-03-11